Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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