Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
