Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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