11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
And then he peed in my hair
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