The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
