The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
