i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
