I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
