'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
