Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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