I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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