People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
