I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
