if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
