let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
