she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
