Me too!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
