Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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