He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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