In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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