Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
