The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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