I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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