That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
