i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
