It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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