Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
