That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
