i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
