Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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