Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
