I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
