Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
