carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
