I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
