dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
