you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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