Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
