Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
