Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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