Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
