He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
