hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize