you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
