Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
