Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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