And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
