tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
