I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
