I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
