yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
