She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
