1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
