i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
