from now on my penis is your penis
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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