Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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