Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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