Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
