Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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