Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
