I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
