There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
