He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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