i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
two words: eviction party
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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