your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
