So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
