i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me I should be a condom model.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
