remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
