I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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