Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
