he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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