I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
