I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
