so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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