She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
