between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize