Say something about gay babies.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
