I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
