went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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