Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize