Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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