the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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